My child is struggling 
Now that my child has 
Page 4 of 4
I asked Marianne how she overcame it.
“I think you have to hit rock bottom,” she said. “It’s like anything else in your life. The moment you move toward change is usually the moment when you’ve decided it is just too painful to keep the status quo.”
“Did your husband help?”
“Yes, but there was a point when he couldn’t help, because he was angry, too, and he was hurt, too. And he was scared! He had two little children, and his wife wasn’t there mentally. He would say to me, ‘Listen, you have responsibilities. You have a job, and you can’t lay down on the job.’ Eventually I started on the path toward recovery, but it was a slow process. It was at this point in my life that I first decided to start focusing on what would make me happy as opposed to what made me unhappy. Therapy played a part, and I went back to work part-time. It sounds odd, but working outside the home was good for me. I didn’t feel like a failure in the professional world, and that sense of well-being carried over at home. I stopped being so self-critical and, with the support of my husband, things improved to the point where I could take on even more than I ever could have before.”
This Too Shall Pass
You have just heard from two women who tell harrowing tales of their lives spinning out of control. It’s important for you to know that today Helen and Marianne are accomplished professionals, reliable and level-headed, without a hint of what one of them called the “temporary insanity” that once brought them to their knees. The symptoms they describe — inability to get out of bed, trouble making decisions, losing interest in everyday activities — are classic symptoms of depression. If you feel any of these things, do not hesitate to ask for help. It does not matter how strong you are, or how even-keeled. LD can blindside you and lead you into places and beliefs and thought patterns you never imagined possible. Do not shrug your shoulders and sigh and resign yourself to this new debilitating way of life.Everyone in the LD world knows of at least one parent who obsesses about her child’s LD or the school or a particular teacher to the exclusion of all other topics of conversation. We can see how it gnaws at her. We hear the bitterness in her voice. We know instinctively that her behavior and obsessions cannot possibly be healthy for her family or her child. We imagine the teacher cringing when she sees this person’s face at the door, once again coming in to harangue and accuse. And most of all, we think, “Thank heavens I’m not like that.”
It’s good to be thankful, but don’t be surprised if you find yourself in a similar predicament someday. Sometimes we are not aware of it until later. Step back, get some balance in your life, ask yourself, “Am I handling this well? Am I handling it at all?” If you feel you are not, but see no way out of the obsessive spiral, make an appointment to speak with a professional. If you are reluctant to do that, talk to a friend or sympathetic family member (but it will do no good to approach a family member who has already told you that you’re overprotective and that your child is fine, you’re imagining things, etc.).
Don’t keep it to yourself. Find help.
You need it. You deserve it.
Purchase a copy of A Special Mother: Getting Through the Early Days of a Child's Diagnosis of Learning Disabilities and Related Disorders today!
About the authors:Anne Ford served as Chairman of the Board of the National Center for Learning Disabilities (NCLD) from 1989 to 2001. During her term as Chair, Mrs. Ford led the reorganization and broad expansion of NCLD, including establishing a presence in Washington, D.C., and organizing educational summits on learning disabilities in several regions of the United States. She was appointed to the Department of Health and Human Services Commission on Childhood Disabilities, as the representative for learning disabilities and was a member of the New York State Board of Regents Select Committee on Disabilities.John-Richard Thompson is an award-winning playwright and novelist. His play Indigo Rat, set in Berlin, Germany, during World War II, ran for a year in New York City and received a MAC Award from the Manhattan Association of Cabarets and Clubs. His other plays include Rain House, Water Sheerie, Fruit Bat Safari Camp, and The Glass Bird. He currently lives in New York City. He is the co-author of A Special Mother.Excerpted from A Special Mother: Getting Through the Early Days of a Child's Diagnosis of Learning Disabilities and Related Disorders, by Anne Ford, with John-Richard Thompson. Copyright © 2010 by Anne Ford. All rights reserved. Reprinted by permission of Newmarket Press, 18 East 48 Street, New York, NY 10017, www.newmarketpress.com.
