The good news is that, if you said yes to any of these feelings, you are not alone! Every parent managing a child’s special learning needs goes through these feelings. And, it is perfectly normal to experience some of these feelings at any point during the journey, particularly during major transition points such as changing grades, moving from one school to another, or transitioning to college or the workplace. Each time the environment shifts and external structures or ways of operating need to be renegotiated, these feelings will re-emerge as a reaction to high-stress situations because you know that these changes may not nurture your child right away. We know our children need more time than others to adjust to transitions and it can be more than a little stressful for parents to watch, waiting for them to flourish in new situations and environments. This is normal.

It is also important to mention that, as we know, learning disabilities have a strong genetic component. So, if you are a parent and someone who struggled with learning challenges, watching your children struggle brings up these emotions even more intensely as it may bring you back to your experiences and wanting to protect your child from going through the same thing.

Now that you know that it is expected to feel like there is a loss, for you and for your child, consider the impact on certain hopes and dreams you’ve had as a parent. Clearly define for yourself what loss you are actually grieving. Is it a loss of the way you had envisioned your child’s life? Is it a loss of having things be easy for your child? Once you get clarity on the losses you are grieving, you can begin to create a new reality for you and your family — one that highlights your child’s strengths, successes, and dreams.

Tools and Tips

In order to mitigate these feelings, here are a few tools and tips to help support you and your family:

1. Ask for help. This is not a journey you have to or need to do alone. Figure out what you need in any given situation and reach out to family, friends, or professionals to support you and your family. Asking for help is a great sign of strength, creates a support network and community, and serves as a great model for your children.
   
   
2. Find a support group in your area for parents of children with learning disabilities. Parents can be each other’s greatest resource to share tips and resources.
   
   
3. Join an online community for parents of children with learning disabilities. This is a great way to connect with others around the country who can give you new perspectives and creative ideas.
   
   
4. Seek professional help from a mental health professional, to support you and the family during high-stress transitions. Sometimes situations can feel unmanageable and the help of a professional can benefit everyone involved as well as connect you with recommendations for local resources.
   
   
5. Plan ahead for high-stress times of transition. Visit any new environments on several occasions, meet with staff, and put a plan in place for anticipated difficulties.
   
   
6. Take care of yourself. You are your child’s most important asset and advocate. It is important that you nurture yourself so you can be the person you want to be during this journey. So remember to exercise, eat well, have fun, and engage in other activities that nourish you.
   
   

(Based on the Grief Cycle model first published in On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, 1969. Interpretation by Alan Chapman 2006-2009.) www.ekrfoundation.org

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Dr. Dawson, a psychologist and certified coach, helps families, youth, and women, find success through transitions from high school, to college, to the workplace, and beyond. Dr. Dawson was Campus Director for the Regional Center for College Students with Learning Disabilities at Fairleigh Dickinson University and Assistant Director of the Learning Disabilities Services at UNC-Chapel Hill as well as a Research Manager and Writer for The Charles and Helen Schwab Foundation.