Living with Siblings Who Have Learning Disabilities - Page 2

Vying for Attention

It's only natural that siblings will compete for their parents' attention, and it's no different in families where there is a child with special needs. Misbehaving or acting out is often the way that children call attention to themselves, but underlying these actions is more often than not a genuine call for help. It is not uncommon for siblings of children with LD to share that they:

• Feel jealous of the extra attention being paid to others in the family
• Think they alone feel the way they do and see themselves as "outsiders" in their own families
• Resent all the attention being paid to others and wonder what they could do to regain some of the spotlight
• Feel guilty that their sibling has a "problem" when they don't
• Are embarrassed by having to make excuses or explain why their sibling can't do certain things or needs special attention
• Are worried about their parents and how hard it is for them to meet everyone's needs in the family

Children with LD need special types of services and supports to succeed in school, at home and in the community. These demands will change over time but may continue throughout their lives. And while the demands upon families may decrease, the feelings that parents and siblings carry with them often remain.

Some Take-Away Tips 

• Acknowledge that feelings are real and create opportunities for open and respectful sharing among family members
• Avoiding comparisons that point to weaknesses
• Make sure to notice (and even celebrate) special abilities or successes
• Do not assign family members to particular roles based on their skills and abilities
• Especially during stressful times, try to find opportunities to laugh!

Reading and Resources

• Research Trends: Learning Disabilities and the Family is a wonderful resource. Two outstanding researchers discuss issues of parental stress and sibling rivalry as they relate to families raising children with learning disabilities.

• "Special Siblings" is an informative and entertaining article that considers this topic through the lens of sibling rivalry.
• In the digest, Children with Disabilities: Understanding Sibling Issues, the National Information Center for Children and Youth with Disabilities (NICHCY), News Digest #11 delves into issues of siblings of children with special needs. This digest features several interesting articles, different points of view, suggestions for parents, and reviews research findings
• In Learning Disabilities and ADHD: A Family Guide to Living and Learning Together, Dr. Betty Osman offers readers practical information about the effects that LD and ADHD has on the entire family and ways to improve life at home.

Sheldon H. Horowitz, Ed.D. is the Director of LD Resources & Essential Information at the National Center for Learning Disabilities.