Through all of the pain and frustration we experienced, in spite of the disappointing teachers and tiresome administrators, the overriding memories that rise above it all are the people who were there for Danielle. Teachers fell into three categories: the ones who did no harm, the ones who tormented her and me, and the ones who changed our lives. Had it not been for the extraordinary teachers, few as they were, we would have never made it through the eighteen years.
When we couldn't sink any lower or feel any worse, there would be a teacher who really "got" Danielle. A teacher who admired and respected her, a teacher who wanted her to learn and found the means to make it happen. We learned so much from these individuals and used that knowledge to develop learning strategies for other classes. We called upon these teachers to convince other teachers that developing alternative ways of teaching didn't compromise their academic standard. We understood that they were the true measure of Danielle's potential and we retold the stories of those successes over and over again.
When Danielle was in high school she had an English class that was going to be a huge challenge. There was a tremendous amount of reading and several papers. The teacher had attended the IEP meeting before school started and was clearly unhappy about being there. She said Danielle should do her best and she'd be fine. Danielle still struggled with comprehension of complex material and required strategies to recall the content. She also needed written reports to be reviewed and revised multiple times.
Danielle and I spent many, many hours each week with her dictating her thoughts while I wrote them down (her brain thinks faster than her hand writes). Sometimes the story line was out of sequence or the plot was confused and would need to be re-organized before it could be read for revisions. When she brought her draft to the teacher and asked for her comments, the teacher returned the paper with a sea of red marks and a terse note at the bottom that said Danielle needed to try harder. We had spent six hours working on a draft, following a week of my reading the assigned book aloud to Danielle. Trying harder wasn't the solution.
I asked for a meeting with the teacher and the special education expert. The teacher was clearly angry and defensive when the meeting began. It didn't take long for her to express her displeasure at being called to this meeting and that she was doing everything necessary for Danielle. I knew the meeting was a mistake. We should have met with her without the special ed teacher. The situation was escalating and I knew from experience that if we didn't find a different approach the outcome would be bad.
I let a few days go by and then I stopped by to see the teacher. I expressed to her how complex and frustrating language was for Danielle but that she had proven she could master the subject matter. The high level of reading material and accompanying papers were going to require some new strategies, but we would do whatever was necessary. As I stepped back, so did she and the thaw began.
Within a week she asked Danielle to meet with her after school. They met several times a month and the teacher broke the assignments into smaller pieces. She developed note cards that highlighted the characters with key words that placed them in context for Danielle. She shared with Danielle her frustrations when a student didn't try, and she shared her passion for literature which she believed wasn't measured by papers and tests.
Remarkably through the connection they formed and the strategies they developed, Danielle thrived in the class. She credited her teacher with her success but we all knew Danielle had had a real breakthrough in her education. She, at fifteen, finally saw how the connection with a teacher, the ability to develop learning strategies dependant on the course, and the proof that she could be successful in a very competitive class gave her renewed confidence.
Danielle took another more advanced English literature class with this teacher. At Danielle's final IEP meeting, this teacher patiently waited for her turn to give her feedback. When she spoke, she told us how she admired and loved Danielle for her intelligence and her determination. She spoke through tears and brought everyone else there right along with her. She said she believed that by finding the right combination to Danielle's learning we had seen her tremendous potential. She said she was grateful to Danielle and to me for not letting them fall short.
When someone cares about your child they earn a special place in your heart. When that person is a teacher, possessing knowledge and caring which result in lasting impact in your child's life, they are never forgotten. We know that the teachers who changed Danielle's life equally cherish their relationship with Danielle. We celebrate every single success. I wrote personal notes constantly to teachers to express our appreciation for their support. Whether it was an act of kindness or listening to our concerns, I let them know it made a difference.
By acknowledging the victories and all participants who share them, you demonstrate that through the good and the bad times your goal is to work with them to support your child's education. Being honorable and reasonable with both criticism and praise will go a long way towards your goal.
Reprinted with permission: Surviving Learning Disabilities Successfully: Sixteen Rules for Managing a Child's Learning Disabilities, "Rule #11: Celebrate Every Victory". Copyright 2007 Nancy E. Graves and Danielle E. Graves.
