My child is struggling 
Now that my child has 
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3. Recognize — and trip up — the triggers. The better your child gets at recognizing stress triggers, the more successful he or she will be at handling life's curve balls. Research underscores this point, says Frostig researcher Roberta J. Goldberg, Ph.D. All children in the Frostig success studies1,2 had been greatly challenged by anxiety or stress — largely as a result of LD, she says. "But the ones who recognized stress triggers, especially of LD, and demonstrated coping strategies were the most successful."
Goldberg admits that it can be difficult to know how to help your child identify his or her own triggers, but with time, he can recognize the signs. Do you know what your child's triggers are? Being asked to turn off the TV? Making transitions from one activity to another? Getting stuck on a math problem? Talk about these with your child and problem solve ways to "cut them off at the pass" — before your child's stress hormones go into overdrive. If the problem is television or transitions, maybe you agree on five-minute warnings before turning off the TV or you make sure your child has plenty of down time between activities.
What about your child's coping mechanisms? You'd be surprised at how much your child has intuitively figured out. Help support healthy ways of coping. It's idiosyncratic, says Goldberg, so the options are practically unlimited. Is music soothing to your child? Then listening to an iPod may not be an idle activity — even when doing homework. Does your child enjoy texting friends? Well, then those messages — within limits — might bring a helpful distraction. Or maybe writing in a journal or a walk in the woods has a calming effect on your child.
Look for signs of stress and intervene when your child is unable to do this for herself. If she's been hitting the books for two hours and is starting to unravel, you might want to enforce a trampoline break, or jumping jacks, or at the very least, some deep breathing.
"My son — who's now a mechanical engineer — struggled in school and had meltdowns in college," says Goldberg. "I didn't say, 'Go study.' I'd tell him to go for a run or swim 22 laps. I knew those were his coping mechanisms."
And, don't forget to play to your child's strengths. If sports, music, or theatre is his strong suit, then allowing time for these pursuits can greatly enhance self-confidence and positive coping behaviors.
4. Make coping strategies concrete. If your child struggles with developing specific coping mechanisms, try priming the pump with some questions like these:
- If you were having a problem, who would you talk to?
- What are the fun things or activities that you like to do when you are sad or down?
- What motivates you? In other words, why do you do what you do?
- How do you handle peer pressure? For example, what would you do if a friend or peer asked you to try drugs?
- Who are your role models or people you look up to?
Depending upon your child's age and personality, don't necessarily expect (or request) a direct answer to these questions. You can simply throw these out as food for thought. This may help your child describe and acknowledge — if only to himself — what works best for him. And this will take him a step closer to actually using these concrete strategies.
