My child is struggling 
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5. Learn healthy ways to communicate. Jeff Rice is principal of one of the Briarwood Schools in Houston, TX, serving students with LD and developmental delays. He reminds parents that the normal teen mentality is to interact as little as possible with adults, especially parents. "It may seem like you've got a stranger living in your home, but trust me, they will come around," says Rice. And, he tells parents they'd be amazed if they knew how often kids identify parents as their "go-to person" in times of trouble.
Rice suggests tips like these for moving toward healthier communication with kids.
- Ask open-ended questions. Don't be satisfied with the curtness of a yes-no response from your child. You can get around this by asking open-ended questions like: What was the most surprising thing that happened at school today? Or: What was the school assembly all about? Or: What was something you did to manage your stress? A longer response provides a better opening for give and take. Without lecturing, you're also modeling the art of conversation. Just remember that with open-ended questions, you'll also need to stay open — without judgment — to your child's fears, frustrations, and failures.
- Be present. Even more important than questioning is simply being present and listening. When your child is talking with you, don't get distracted by opening bills or checking your phone messages. If you do, you're communicating — without saying a word — that something else is more important. And, though there's a place for "history lessons," don't always cut in with responses like, "Well, when I was a kid…." Checking in and displaying empathic listening can often go so much further.
- Reflect back what your child says. Restate what your child has said, in his or her own words — not yours. You might say: "What I'm understanding is that you felt bullied today at lunch…." Again, this helps your child feel heard and understood.
6. Seek outside help when needed. Remember that a big part of having a healthy coping strategy is knowing how to find and use support systems. For example, if your child is falling behind in math, a tutor may help in more ways than one — by not only shoring up academic weak links, but also circumventing power struggles over homework. And, if your child struggles with anxiety or depression, seeking outside resources such as counseling may be in order. Remember that you cannot be all things to your child.
Help your child identify both internal and external sources of support for better coping. And, do the same for yourself. This can be critical for developing a healthy approach to emotional challenges — which, as you know, won't disappear with adulthood!
Sources
1 Raskind, M.H. et al. Learning Disabilities Research and Practice. 1999; 14(1): 35–49.2 Goldberg, R.J. et al. Learning Disabilities Research and Practice. 2003; 18(4): 222–236.
Annie Stuart is a freelance writer and editor with nearly 25 years of experience. She specializes in consumer health, parenting, and learning disabilities, among other areas.
This article is made possible by a grant from the American Legion Child Welfare Foundation.
Additional Resources
Life Success for Students with Learning Disabilities: A Parent Guide (A Project of the Frostig Center)
How Parents Can Help Thier Kids Develop Success Attributes
The Implications of Success Attribute Research for Kids with Learning Disabilities
