When it comes to success in life, academic achievement is certainly important, but it can only take you so far. If you don't know what you're good at, for example, how can you pick a major in college or choose a career path? If you don't have the ability to deal with a frustrating professor or boss, what kind of grades or raises will you achieve? And, if you can't stick with a goal, how far will you really get in life? Research has identified factors that tend to lead to life success for individuals with LD. Here, we look at the critical value of goal setting.
A Parent's Role with Children's Goals
Paul J. Gerber, Ph.D., professor of Special Education and Disability Policy at the Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, VA, says that goal setting helps focus a person's energy, making it central to success. Parents can play a pivotal role in the development of this skill. "They can help not only with goal setting but with analyzing, monitoring, and providing motivation along the way," he says.Here are some general guidelines to keep in mind:
- Be a goal-setter, too. Model the type of goal setting you want to see in your child. As you set goals, tell your child about them as well as the specific steps you're taking to reach them. If you're starting a new exercise regimen, casually mention your weekly and long-term goals. When you hit your targets, make a big deal of it. But don't forget to mention the bumps in the road and what you are doing to surmount them.
- Make goal-setting a habit. Planning a long trip? Bring your child into the process, by asking questions like, "What are the top three things you want to see on this trip? What are two things you can do when you get tired in the car (or your sister really starts to bug you)? "What is one thing you can try to address your fear of flying?" Then ask for ways you can help your child meet these goals.
- Tie goals into dreams. The more you can connect your child's goals to his or her passions, the better. With your child's buy-in comes more motivation and a much greater chance of success.
- Inspire self-confidence. Coach, cheerlead, and celebrate successes. When your child succeeds in reaching a goal, ask him or her what made the difference. This helps your child internalize what he or she needs to do to carry over the skill to the next experience.
- Help overcome obstacles. Gerber emphasizes that failing to meet goals may be disappointing, but can provide invaluable lessons for your child. Rather than ignoring the failure or berating your child for lack of follow through, help him or her to systematically pinpoint the specific obstacles that got in the way. "If your child fails, help him or her to come back and reboot and do it a different way that will work better next time," he says.
Help Your Child Create SMART Goals
Have you heard of SMART goals? SMART goals provide a great framework for achieving objectives – a ruler for measuring growth. SMART goals are:- Specific
- Measurable
- Attainable
- Results-oriented
- Time-bound
Here's a little more information that can help both you and your child to become real pros at goal setting.
Specific Goals
To be helpful, goals must be clear and concrete. When goals are specific, they tell your child exactly what, when, and how much is expected of him or her. You might help by asking questions like this:- What are you going to do?
- Why do you want to do this?
- How are you going to do it?
Teach your child how to use action words with goals, such as, "Learn," "Reach," or "Plan." It's best to phrase goals in positive, not negative, terms.
A goal can be as simple as improving results on spelling tests. Maybe your child missed three words on the last test. If your child says, "I want to be a better speller," help him or her frame the goal in more specific terms, such as: "I want to improve my spelling so that I miss no more than one word on the next test. To help achieve this goal, I will study my spelling words for five minutes every day this week."
Measurable Goals
If a goal is specific, you can more easily measure it. Then you know if you are making progress. How will your child measure his or her goals? (On a sliding scale from 1–10? Hit or miss? Success or failure?) Help your child take stock of where he or she is along the way. Measurable milestones also help maintain motivation. As a parent, you can help your child to take "bite-sized pieces," says Gerber. Learning how to attack short-term goals — like results on a spelling quiz – make it easier to reach the bigger goals in life.
Other examples of measurable goals? Maybe your fourth grader wants at least one or two new friends. She might move toward this goal by planning one play date each week. Or, maybe your junior wants to have his license by the end of summer. What are the concrete steps that will put him in the driver's seat?
Attainable Goals
Ask yourself, is this a realistic goal my child is likely to achieve? A goal should help your child to stretch a bit but not become overwhelmed. If it's too easy or too hard your child will simply ignore it altogether.Another place where people get lost is with setting too many goals, says Jeff Rice, principal of one of the Briarwood Schools in Houston, TX, serving students with LD and developmental delays. Because so many things compete for our attention, it's helpful to limit to no more than three to five goals at a time. You need to focus your efforts to be successful. Once your child sets a goal, have him or her put it in writing. To enhance accountability, you or a counselor, therapist, or mentor can sign this document.
(Download the SMART Goals Worksheet.)
Realistic Goals
The whole point of a goal is to get results. Think about what will happen when your child reaches a goal. And offer rewards for each goal and mini-goal that your child accomplishes.Your child won't get results, though, if the goal isn't realistic. As a parent, you certainly want to reinforce persistence and resilience – you want your child to know that working hard is a big piece of reaching goals. However, what if your child wants to move from getting a C in English to an A within one month? Will there even be enough assignments to make this possible? A first step might be to talk with the teacher to find out.
Or, what if your child has set a goal of becoming a physician but has faired poorly with science courses throughout high school? Don't kill the passion, but also don't enable a dead-end pursuit. Perhaps you can help reframe this long-term goal into a Plan B, a plan that helps your child pursue interests in a more realistic way. Ask what it is about being a doctor that attracts him. If it's working in a hospital, maybe you can encourage a career as an x-ray technician instead of a radiologist. Then help develop short-term and intermediate goals that move your child closer to this reframed long-term goal. One day, your child may find that this hospital job brings great satisfaction.
Time-Bound Goals
Goals must have starting and ending points. They should last for a fixed length of time. Commitment to deadlines helps your child to focus his or her efforts on completion of the goal on or before the due date. Without deadlines or schedules, goals tend to be taken over by day-to-day demands.Chris Schnieders, Ph.D., director of teacher training at the Frostig School provides the common example of the book report to illustrate how time enters into goal setting. At her middle school, everyone does one book report, which is due at the end of the month.
"On the first day of the month, the kids get a book and look at the calendar," she says, explaining how the goal planning unfolds. One step of planning involves figuring out how many days are needed to complete the report so the students will have enough time to do this after reading the book. "With the remaining days, they then figure out how many chapters there are and do a division problem to see how many they will need to read each week." After figuring out the average pages they need to read each day, they look at the weekly calendar. "If they've got music lessons on Tuesday and soccer on Wednesday, maybe they'll need to read more pages on other days of the week. How many extra will that be?" All these steps go into the child's planner, which the parent can double check.
This methodical approach to goal setting serves kids well throughout middle and high school and into college and beyond.
You can greatly support your child in becoming a consistent goal setter. It's a great way to enhance your child's chances of success. And, if you're not already someone who sets goals, why not join your child in developing this new skill? There's no telling where the two of you will end up.
Sources
1 SMART Goal Setting: A Surefire Way To Achieve Your Goals2 Project Smart: 8 Strategies for Achieving SMART Goals
Annie Stuart is a freelance writer and editor with nearly 25 years of experience. She specializes in consumer health, parenting, and learning disabilities, among other areas.
This article is made possible by a grant from the American Legion Child Welfare Foundation.
Additional Resources
Patterns of Change and Predictors of Success in Individuals with Learning DisabilitiesPredictors of Success in Individuals with Learning Disabilities
The Implications of Success Attribute Research for Kids With Learning Disabilities
Goal Setting for Children with Learning Disabilities: Your Role is Important
