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4. Instill a balanced view. Many kids with learning disabilities find it easier to talk about their weaknesses only. Maybe they have even come to display a bit of learned helplessness if you've focused too much on their Achilles' heel. "Emphasize that they have strengths and need to do something with them," says Schnieders. " Tell them, 'Find an interest that turns you on, excites you, gives you energy and passion.'"
To underscore your child's strong qualities, try creating name games, for example, on a long car ride. One way to do this is to have your child turn his or her name into an acrostic poem — adding one quality for each letter of the name. For example, Nina might be Nurturing, Inquisitive, Neat, and Artistic.
Helping kids take a balanced inventory of their strengths and weaknesses helps them learn how to celebrate their strengths, says Gerber. "Adults can't be great at everything, But you can feel comfortable with what you can do and use that in a very positive way for job entry or job advancement or taking on leadership roles."
5. Create opportunities. Provide lots of opportunities for your child to try new things. After a new experience, watch for patterns and talk it over with your child. What worked and what didn't? Schnieders provides the example of a child whose parents wanted to get her involved in a team sport. She was not a team sport kind of girl, but they thought she could learn to run competitively. Encouraging this other kind of experience was a way to play to her strengths, yet gently expose her to a team environment. "This takes a parent who is willing to open negotiation with folks who know the student — to sit down and talk about the situation, but keep an open mind."
It's important to give kids an opportunity to participate in areas like drama, music, and filmmaking, where a good majority of them find their strengths. Not only do they find their strengths, they also learn about the many facets of the particular art form, for example, and the idea that there's more to having a career in art than just producing it. You need to study hard and understand the business end as well. This provides your child an opportunity to see how they respond to "real-world" experiences, which can also enhance self-awareness.
Here's another novel activity you can try to heighten your child's self- and other-awareness. You may find it brings you closer together! Mirror Image is a game where one person mirrors the actions and movements of the other in front of a mirror. Pair up with your child in front of a mirror and take turns making funny faces or unusual movements. Then have the other person mirror your movements.2
6. Help your child with niche picking. Help reinforce what your child already feels deep inside. As a parent, you can help your child start to match up her skills with her passions as a way to support her increased self-awareness. As her first teacher, you know your child better than the educators and you can help her identify what she's good at and link it with the activities that bring a sparkle to her eye. This will start to create a bridge between her growing self-awareness and how she can take actions that draw on her strengths.
And, don't force your child to do activities she doesn't enjoy or to put off her passions. Yes, schoolwork takes a lot of time and effort, but it's not all there is. Goldberg recalls a student who said he couldn't wait to get out of high school so he'd have time to work on cars — his main interest. Pursuing a passion is what sustains those who are successful. Research shows that successful adults with LD all had passions early in life, but many couldn't get access to what they needed to pursue them. As a parent, this is definitely something you can do to help your child.
If a child finds a niche early on and knows how to parlay strengths, he'll be able to carve out a place for himself in the world, says Gerber. Then the failures won't become all consuming. Instead, this niche, this "goodness of fit," this comforting place will become a catalyst for success throughout school, work, and life.
Yes, it's true that instilling self-awareness is not as simple as teaching your child to ride a bike. But as a parent, you can provide a nurturing, secure environment and tune in to the essence of your child. After all, you treasure the unique qualities your child has to offer. And, that is a great place to begin.
Notes
1. ERIC Clearinghouse on Handicapped and Gifted Children. "Life Skills Mastery for Students with Special Needs."2. The Wilderdom Store. "Mirror Image."
Annie Stuart is a freelance writer and editor with nearly 25 years of experience. She specializes in consumer health, parenting, and learning disabilities, among other areas.
This article is made possible by a grant from the American Legion Child Welfare Foundation.
Additional Resources
Life Success for Students with Learning Disabilities: A Parent Guide (A Project of the Frostig Center)Patterns of Change and Predictors of Success in Individuals with Learning Disabilties
Predictors of Success in Individuals with Learning Disabilities
The Implications of Success Attribute Research for Kids with Learning Disabilities
How Can Parents Foster Self-Esteem in Their Children?
How Can Parents Nurture Resilience in Their Children?
