No matter how your child is challenged, he has at least one strength. Start there and build on it. Also, help your child build a team who can support him with his challenges.
Find a strength – and strengthen it. "If you have an area of competence, it's easier to work with your challenges," says Curtis, emphasizing the importance of playing to your child's strengths. Is your child a good artist? Then build that up to help her develop a strong self-concept, says Curtis, who notes he's seen better results from a child going to chess club than undergoing psychotherapy. "If you get hooked into something you really like and start to feel happy, you're more likely to work on yourself," he says. "Over and over, I've seen that it works."
Practice – and teach – self-advocacy. During grade school, you'll likely offer more hands-on support. But this may lessen in middle and high school as your child becomes less receptive to your help. Then you may need to seek outside tutoring for your child.
But, whatever you do, don't adopt a sink-or-swim attitude, says Curtis. "I constantly hear teachers say, 'They have to learn to do it on their own.'" But independence is overrated, he says, especially for children with learning challenges. With kids, parents, and teachers, Curtis makes the point that even CEOs of big companies need a team to be successful.
Shaw agrees, and says that teachers at her school try to use this kind of vocabulary in the classroom: "I know this is difficult for you. What strategy might you use? Who might you ask? "And, she says they work to create an environment where it's okay to say, 'I'm having trouble sitting…. I need to move around.' We see that as being proactive, not disruptive."
Teach social skills. Part of developing effective support systems is knowing how to interact well socially. For some kids with LD, though, this doesn't come naturally. You need to teach it. One thing you can do is encourage your child to observe others' social behaviors. Curtis has kids brainstorm how to enter a group, watch others on the playground, then copy behaviors. For example, when boys are approaching each other, they tend to tip their heads and nod.
But be careful what your child learns. One child Curtis worked with came back and reported, "I've figured out how to be popular. You are real nice to people, then as soon as they turn around, you start talking about them!"
Also, help provide alternatives to social interactions, suggests Shaw. "If a student has trouble with a peer, sit down and talk about it, asking, 'How did you feel about this, what is another way you could have said that?' If you don't provide a model, a strategy, or thought process, you won't assist them in learning new ways of approaching things."
And, that's the whole idea — helping your child find her way in the world.
Annie Stuart is a freelance writer and editor with nearly 25 years of experience. She specializes in consumer health, parenting, and learning disabilities, among other areas.This article is made possible by a grant from the American Legion Child Welfare Foundation.
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