My child is struggling 
Now that my child has 
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Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. Also very practical and solution-oriented, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on looking at how your thoughts cause your feelings and your behaviors, says Martinez. "It really helps empower the person – whether child, teen, or adult – to make changes," she says. "The next day, you can implement something you've learned."
Auciello finds that CBT is a particularly effective approach for developing skills when anxiety is an issue. A type of behavior therapy called STOP and THINK can be helpful in cases where a child's impulsiveness is affecting learning. "It provides a good set of strategies to help kids slow down and not work too quickly," he says. It also can help socially in cases where kids tend to react to others too quickly. "It's very activity-based and game like," says Auciello. "But you practice it in the context of therapy and it tends to generalize to everyday life."
Tailoring the Therapy. Regardless of age, many of the same principles apply, but the skills taught need to be developmentally tailored, says Auciello. "If you need to help a kid become less impulsive, you may use the very same strategies to help them pause and think – you just might talk to them using a different vocabulary, depending upon age."
Or, with social skills intervention, therapy might help a younger child know how to play around other kids and interact more in their play. "With adolescence, it will be more about conversations and negotiating conflicts that might come up," says Auciello. "The social world is more complex in adolescence than in childhood."
Is It Helping?
"In the end, it is probably best to take your cues about counseling from your child," says Beetar. If your child doesn't want to attend sessions, and you don't see an obvious benefit, then it might be time to reconsider the therapist or the approach.You might want to look for another therapist, attempt rewards for participation, or temporarily abandon counseling, he says. "The right reinforcement or reward, though, can result in a significant amount of change in behavior."
But if it is not working out, parents often have a pretty good instinct about that, says Auciello. But first, make sure you've also had some interaction with the therapist. "Sending a child week after week probably isn't what's going to be most helpful." Then, if you have concerns about how treatment is going, bring it up with the therapist. Be honest. You might ask questions like these:
- I'm concerned and I'm not seeing the benefit – can we discuss this?
- The behavior seems to be getting worse. Can you explain why that might be happening?
- What are the goals of the therapy? In what direction are we going?
"You may feel the answers make sense or the person doesn't quite understand your child the way you thought they did, and it's time to move on," says Auciello. But, by all means, communicate to your child that it isn't their fault if things don't work out. Just don't give up. There are many resources available, and it is likely just a matter of time before you find an approach that benefits your child.
Annie Stuart is a freelance writer and editor with nearly 25 years of experience. She specializes in consumer health, parenting, and learning disabilities, among other areas.
Additional Resources
- American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
- KidsHealth from Nemours: "Taking Your Child to a Therapist"
- National Association of School Psychologists
Annie Stuart is a freelance writer and editor with nearly 25 years of experience. She specializes in consumer health, parenting, and learning disabilities, among other areas.
