My child is struggling 
Now that my child has 
Step 6: You're only human.
If someone has been particularly helpful, acknowledge their efforts. Sometimes, especially when frustrations rise, acknowledging what has gone well, and how hard everyone has worked, sweetens the air a bit and makes it possible for everyone to feel better and push towards the finish line!
If, by chance, you make a mistake, or cause offense, say you're sorry. Making an apology says that you're only human and helps to humanize what is often a formal process and sends the message that you can be forgiving of others' mistakes. "Please" and "thank you" also go a long way in keeping conversations civil, and not surprisingly, helps everyone say "yes."
In the end, ask for the "yes."
As you communicate and negotiate, you will uncover areas where you and the school are in agreement. You may agree on the issue that must be addressed, but not be in full agreement on how to address it. This is when it can be especially helpful to restate and discuss options in a problem solving way. This means presenting and fully analyzing proposed solutions on their own merits. It also means asking some direct, yet polite, questions such as:
- "I'm still puzzled. Why isn't this an option?"
- "Jordan needs this. Who has some ideas on how we can make it happen?"
Additionally, words that recognize the desires and the difficulties for schools to meet every child's needs, while refocusing on your child, can lead to a greater willingness to put forth extra effort and think more creatively about ways to say "yes" to and for your child:
- "I appreciate the huge responsibility and demands facing our school system. I understand that there's never enough money, nor enough staff to meet all children's needs in the way that we all want. Truly, I do. You are responsible for meeting many children's needs. My number one job is to see to it that my child's needs are met. None of us has an easy job."
- "I know that there's a way for us to work this out, together, so that Janey gets the services she needs. How are we going to do this?"
Talking the talk.
So, in a nutshell, when talking with staff and administrators at your child's school, you're likely to be successful if you can:
- Keep your cool.
- Focus on the positives.
- Be clear about your goals.
- Listen. Ask questions. Clarify.
- Keep the focus on meeting your child's needs.
- Present options in a collaborative way; for example, say, "we can" instead of "you should." Say, "yes, and..." instead of "yes, but..."
- Ask for the "yes."
This document was jointly developed by the Consortium for Appropriate Dispute Resolution in Special Education (CADRE) and the National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY).
