Whether you are wondering if your child has an attention problem or if he or she already has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD) , you likely have experienced a number of challenging and perplexing behaviors and situations. The brains of children with AD/HD work differently than an “average” child. As a parent you need to identify, understand, and work within this new construct to help your child develop the necessary strategies to support their success in school and everyday situations.
I speak from experience. My step-daughter, Laurie, came into my life when I began dating my husband. She was 8 years old, in second grade, creative, imaginative, fun, and nuts about horses. Although she liked going to school, her performance was inconsistent. Her academic struggles became more pronounced when she transitioned from elementary to middle school.
We suspected she had an attention problem and, after some research, determined she likely had the inattentive type of AD/HD, which often becomes more pronounced for girls a bit later in school. She was tested and officially diagnosed with AD/HD at age 14.
There are a number of things I learned as we worked with her, gathered information, and gleaned resources over the years.
Seek to understand.
AD/HD is hard-wired into the brain and is accompanied by a variety of difficulties. It’s important to know that many behaviors and actions of children with AD/HD are not intentional or spiteful. Understanding how your child’s brain works provides a guideline for you to develop realistic expectations of them and to design helpful tools that will allow them to experience success and accomplishment.Testing can bring relief.
When Laurie’s AD/HD was officially diagnosed, she felt as if she had a context to understand what she experienced and a way to describe to others where her challenges lie. It allowed us, as parents, to get her important accommodations in school and a reason to explain behaviors we didn’t understand initially.Medication has ups and downs.
If your child gets diagnosed, you will need to decide whether to pursue medication to help manage the symptoms. Some children love that their AD/HD medications give them the ability to self-regulate their behaviors and attention more effectively. Other children say the medication doesn’t allow them to feel like themselves. There are a variety of medication options available. Only through trial and error and open discussion with your child and doctor will you be able to determine the best path for your child and family.Teamwork.
Research shows that children with AD/HD fare best long term through a multi-pronged approach. Medication for symptom relief is one element but needs to be combined with education about the condition, parent assistance in behavior management, and educational/classroom support. Communicate regularly with your child’s teacher and develop a behavior plan together with consequences and rewards that can be enforced in both environments. If behavior issues persist, and a more formal plan seems necessary, talk to the school about doing a Functional Behavior Assessment. A Behavior Intervention Plan may be what’s needed.Repetition, repetition, repetition.
Consistency is key for children with AD/HD. They need to know boundaries and expected behaviors which may need to be revisited regularly. As parents, modeling these behaviors as well as enforcing them is a powerful combination. Consider having a few hard rules and let “smaller” things slide, which will help your child remember the important things. Be sure to state the behavior you want so your child understands what to do. Setting up a regular home routine for weekdays and weekends also helps.Compromise on homework how-tos.
Homework is a particularly challenging time for many families with children who have AD/HD. Initially, we wanted Laurie to finish her homework immediately after school. However, she shared that it was defeating and discouraging to have to bring herself to concentrate again after doing it for a number of hours already. We all agreed that she needed some time to relax before tackling homework. We established a standard time for homework to begin and allowed her to listen to music while she completed it, which she couldn’t do in school. Find a routine that works for you and your child. Depending on their abilities, you can schedule short breaks every 15 minutes and/or create rewards for completing homework in a certain amount of time.Make time for fun.
Having time to be themselves, play and have fun is an essential element of your child’s emotional well-being. Creating time for you and your child to bond over positive experiences is an important balance to the interactions over challenging ones. Set aside time each day to connect with your child in a neutral and positive environment free of judgment, advice, or criticism. Acknowledge and comment on the beautiful non-academic talents and traits they are developing.Help them find their strengths.
It is important to remember that school is only a part of your child’s life. Very often it is the challenges that are discussed most frequently. Even if your student isn’t thriving in school, he or she undoubtedly has talents in other areas. Help them explore and identify areas where they can excel and feel accomplishment.Shift the recognition paradigm.
Children with AD/HD have a strong need for praise and recognition. They already know they are not like “other” kids. When parents only comment on bad behaviors, grades and performances, it can become defeating. Praise the good work your child does regularly, if not daily. Or determine to say five nice things for every one criticism.Be patient and flexible.
Though Laurie is now an adult, I still shake my head at the sheer number of times we had to repeat something or had to adjust a particular plan when she was younger. I am still surprised how often she forgot an agreement we made, to write down her homework assignments, or to watch the clock and be home at a certain time. Understanding that this was a part of her brain activity helped some, but the frustration can build. I learned to practice patience in working with her and flexibility in our plans to help ease the situations when this occurred.Cathy Chlarson grew up in a large family in rural Arizona. After attending college, she moved to San Francisco where she lived for 15 years before returning to the Phoenix metro area to raise her own family.
